Phillip Ward

My name is Phillip Ward and I am 25 years old. I entered the Crossville Missioin on March 21, 2022 and I was definitely not on any kind of winning streak. A month prior to me actually coming to the Mission, I was on life support for 5 days and in a coma. This only scared me straight for a couple of weeks before I fell back into the trap of my decomposing spiritual self and the trap of the enemy. Being able to realize where I was and needing to be held accountable played a crucial part in my healing. In order for me to be able to move forward, I had to stop blaming others and my circumstances for how I turned out.

My childhood was not terrible. However, I felt unwanted and unloved by my biological father. So I used older men to fill that void, not realizing how I was being groomed into a puppet that was broken, empty and utterly lost. I could go on about how the drugs made me feel. How I was taken advantage of sexually for over a decade. And how my HIV diagnosis at 18 destroyed me. I could go on and on, but there was a seed planted in me throughout the years that was done by the Holy Spirit. I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired and I finally decided I was ready to put down the needle, the lifestyle, the friends, and you fill in the blank.

The greatest decision I made was allowing Jesus to move inside of my heart and receive this love and His mercy. This time though, I was not just simply saying it. I took action and let God move in my life. God will not force anything on you if you are not ready to give up. I had to stop being the “god” of my own life, and surrender to Him. The mercy of God and His forgiveness opened up my eyes to be able to better receive His love, because I no longer choose to partner with the condemnation, the shame, the guilt, the hate and the unforgiveness that had settled so deep inside my heart. All He had to offer me in those areas was already around me…in abundance! I finally believe that I am loved by my almighty Father and that if the God of creation chose me, that I am worth more than anything I could compare myself to, than I am worthy to receive His promises. Walking with Christ and choosing Him daily is not easy. It is, however, filled with joy, confirmation, love and abundant peace. Rather than just reading this, make the choice to intimately have a relationship with Jesus and choose Him.